9:06 Madame Speaker, yadda yadda yadda. Much handshaking and sucking up ensues. Didn’t get to check out Michelle’s outfit because I was mariating some tequila lime chicken for dinner. Should be pretty tasty in 70 minutes or so!
9:09 Finally made it up on the dais. Shakes Joe’s hand and bows head slightly to Pelosi, you know, because she’s a lady. Sure the teabaggers are going to go nuts about how he’s always bowing down to people.
9:10 Pelosi introduces Obama. Because otherwise we wouldn’t know who he is. Lots of thank yous and waving.
9:12 Omaha Beach? I thought Nebraska was landlocked? Haw haw!
9:14 Shout out to the whole “I took over this mess. Dang, this computer is slow.
9:15 Call to bipartisanship to overome “numbing weight” of their differences.
9:17 “I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight.” Really, dude? Because I woulda thought you’d been more hopeful on election day. Or 1/20/09, maybe?
9:18 What unites Dems and GOP? We all hated the bank bail outs. Um, so why did you bastards do it?
9:17 I have never
9:21 Lists all the people they cut taxes for. Bitches he didn’t get applause. Shot of GOP dudes grudgingly clapping. Husband bitches that he hasn’t seen HIS taxes go down.
9:23 Talking about the businesses that benefit from the Recovery Act.
9:24 People who send out resumes week after week and hear nothing in response… Oh wow, my very own shout out!
9:25 Calls for a jobs bill. Gives props to business for being engine of recovery. Everybody claps. Gives props to small businesses and entrepreneurs taking a chance on a dream. wow, TWO shout outs, just for me… how DREAMY!
9:26 Let’s take the $30 billion the bailout banks returned and give it to community banks
9:27 Infrastructure of tomorrow. Shout out to the fastest trains and how he’s coming to Tampa tomorrow. For once Tampa isn’t the punchline in a sitcom or the place where the unsub on Criminal Minds is from!
9:29 Let’s not give tax breaks to companies that ship jobs overseas and give them to companies that keep jobs in America. Lots of clapping and a little booing? WTF???
9:31 Good stuff about how long should we wait to fix shit and about how India and China don’t wait and he won’t accept second place for the US of A. everybody claps. That’s another thing the dems and GOP can agree on — let’s kick India and china’s ass.
9:32 Serious financial reform. Here we go. Not interested in punishing banks. But we can’t allow them to take risks that threaten the entire economy. Threatens to veto the bill if it’s crappy. SMACKDOWN!!!
9:35 Nuclear energy? Offshore drilling? Dude, the base! You’re angering the base!!!! Also, no such thing as clean coal, btw. It’s like jumbo shrimp.
9:37 Talking about passing an energy bill and thanks the house. “I know there are those who disagree with the overwhelming evidence of climate change,” he smirks. He’s THISCLOSE to a giggle as a couple of peeps boo. PRICELESS!
9:38 Went to rewind a little and went back to the CNN pregame show. WTF? This is a disaster. I’m switching channels!Doube our exports… OMG what did I miss? What did I miss??? I AM A FAILURE AT LIVEBLOGGING!!! Handing the remote over to husband. Fix this mess, baby!
9:43 OK. National export initiative. Can’t lose the chance to create jobs on our shores. Got it. Thanks baby, for your remote control prowess! everybody go follow @jkallweit on Twitter. He is THE MAN!9:44 We need to invest in the skills and education of our people. Invest in reform that rewards student achievement. Best anti-poverty program is a world class education. Unless you have a BS in Marketing. then you work in retail for less than nine bucks an hour and you struggle to pay your mortgage.
9:46 Give families a $10,00 tax credit for four years of college and end bank subsidies on college loans. And forgive college loans after 20 years. People pay those loans for more than 20 years??? Holy crap! That cannot POSSIBLY be worth it!
9:48 Step up refinancing so homeowners can have more affordable mortgages. And that is why we need health insurance reform. Um, non sequitir much. Not that I disagree, but, dang!
9:49 He’s all borderline giggly as they clap (and boo) in the gallery. What an instigator!
9:50 Shout out to the First Lady. She’s tackling childhood obesity. Your signature project is fat kids? Nancy Reagan went on Diffrent Strokes to promote Just Say No. maybe Michelle can make a cameo on South Park and go all Jillian from Biggest Loser on Cartman. Matt and Trey, I swear if you rip me off I’m suing!
9:53 Many doctors and nurses consider my system a vast improvement. OK he didn’t say “my” but whatever. Talks smack to GOP: If you have a better way to fix it, let me know! Let’s get it done! Lots of dems clapping
9:54 We are in a giant fiscal hole. That’s what I’m gonna call people instead of asshole.
9:55 “Setting the record straight” on the deficit. Liots of numbers. snoozefest. I’ll look it up later. “all of this is before I walked in the door.” Feisty! Little bit of booing. I would have expected more. Come on GOP peeps, are you mellowing? I need some entertainment!
9:57 Talks about spending freeze. The federal government needs budget discipline lie regular families. If I have to enforce this discipline by veto, I will.” Ooooh Barry, I love it when you talk s/M!
9:58 This can’t be one of those Washington gimmicks that let’s us pretend to fix the problem. Some mumbojumbo about fixing Social Security. What was that you were saying about discipline?
10:00 “That’s how budgeting works.” got some laughs. I can see this becoming a catchphrase. Well, in my house at least.
10:00 “The problem is, that’s what we did for eight years.” HA!
10:02 We don’t just face a deficit of dollars, we face a deficit of trust. We need to give our people the government they deserve. Oh GOD, please, no!!! If you give us the government we deserve we are DOOMED! We are a bunch of dumbfucks!
10:03 Smackdown on the Supreme Court over the recent decision. How rude! I love it! poor Ruth bader Ginsburg is seriously shrunken down. Someone get the lady some Boniva, stat!
10:05 I didn’t think that the fact of my election would bring harmony. Subtext: So please stop refering to me as a “magical negro, you fuckwads!” Stuff about working together and not being obstructionist and just generally saying “learn to play well with others, ya mooks!” People expect us to solve problems. Well EXPECT is a little lofty
10:08 Just saying no to everything is NOT leadership. We were sent here to serve people, not our ambitions.
10:09 I hate to side with teabaggers, but Pelosi does look Joker-like when she smiles. Botox is not your friend, honey.
10:10 Talking terrorism. “We’ve prohibitted torture” did NOT get any applause AT ALL. Seriously. You people ALL suck. Torture is NOT acceptable.
10:11 We will have all of our combat troops out of Iraq by the end of August. Operative word is “combat.” Nice little slippery there. We have troops in Germany, but they’re not “combat” troops. Slick.
10:13 We have a responsibility to support our soldiers when they come home” gets lots of standing ovations. Put your money where your mouths is. Apparently the First and Second Ladies are in charge of supporting military families. Fat kids and veterans. Epic WTF.
10:14 US and Russia working on a nuclear weapons treaty. How 80s. Can you make Jon Bon Jovi’s hair grow back, too?
10:16 Helping poor countries to feed themselves and fighting HIV/AIDS. Some stuff about public health abroad. We’re going to help the people of Haiti recover and rebuild. Support women marching for rights in Iran. we should be on the side of freedom and human dignity. Lots of clapping. Except for torture. No clapping for ending torture. seriously, WTF SQUARED.
10:19 employment discrimination. Hate crimes. Wants to repeal Don’t Ask don’t Tell. cut to a bunch of military guys looking uncomfortable. AWESOME. The one on the end looked down and to the left. Yeah, he’s hoping nobody asks and he doesn’t have to tell. Also, women should get equal pay for equal work. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE STILL HAVING THIS DISCUSSION IN THE 21ST FUCKING CENTURY YOU SEXIST BASTARDS!
10:21 Each time a CEO rewards himself for failure we lose faith. Also calls out the TV pundits for reducing serious issues to silly arguments. Put that situation in your room and smoke it, Blitzer!
10:23 Campaigned on change, but I didn’t say it would be easy. Well, DUH! Although he looks so damn earnest I feel bad going duh at him. Is it wrong I want to pinch the president’s cheeks? and why aren’t Sasha and Malia there. What could be more educational that watching your dad do the State of the Union Address? Although I guess a dad probably wouldn’t want to get booed
10:25 I bet that story about the kid who sent him his allowance to the President to send to Haiti is made up BS. Otherwise he would have been in the audience and gotten a shout-out by name. Sleepy looking old guy in the audience with a big ass sore on his lip. YUCK.
10:26 “I don’t quit.” Subtext: BITE ME!
10:27 It’s over. Blitzer is analyzing. Then throws it back to eavesdrop on the people shaking Obama’s hand as he exits. Large black lady wearing banana yellow suit. I don’t care what color you are, you should NEVER wear a banana yellow suit. EVER. Especially if you’re a larger lady.
10:30 Signing an autograph. Analyst is saying that there was no booing. Apparently I identified “groaning” as “booing” but whatever. I do this for free and you get what you pay for!
10:32 I think I’m gonna do the Republican response. Is this Howdy-Doody-looking yahoo chewing gum?
10:36 Shout out to his twin sons in the audience
10:37 One in ten Americans is unemployed. Yeah, buster, not to mention the ones who are off unemployment, the ones that are underemployed (like me) and the ones
10:38 “taxation, regulation, and litigation” GOP haiku. I love it!
10:38 Quoting Jefferson or Franklin or somebody. Probably out of context. Gotta remember to look it up.
10:39 we want results, not rhetoric. we want cooperation, not partisanship.” UM, SO STOP BEING UNCOOPERATIVE DOUCHEBAGS. Uh-oh. I’m gonna get some angry emails…
10:40 They have their ideas posted on solutions.gop.gov. And “We welcome your ideas on Facebook and Twitter.” Oh. Snap.
10:41 Now is the time for innovative energy solutions… such as???
10:42 A child’s educational opportunities should be determined by HER intellect and not HER zip code. HER. Nice.
10:45 Free choice…Federalism…Proper role of government…Top-down decision making bad…Bullet points…Scripture quotation…Thanks for donating to Haiti…HUH?…Liberty…Opportunity. All platitudes, no substance. But the teabaggers will eat it up.
10:48 Husband reads a tweet about the “strategically placed Black and Asian bookends behind him. I would have noticed if I could type without looking down at the keys. All I gotta say is why no Hispanic? Why no wheelchair person? Come on GOP, what happened to the big tent?
10:50 OK, it’s over. Husband says he is going to bed and nver mind the tequila lime chicken. But if I get up right now, I know he’ll eat it. So this concludes this year’s SOTU Live Blog. Enjoy your quality time with Blitzer, or whoever. Peace!